It's the ?@$#@$#%! Holidays

November is a dark month. I honestly despise November. The clocks turn back and suddenly it’s dark a few hours after lunch. I don’t know why they do this. Shouldn’t we just live according to our own circadian rhythm that responds to the solstices and equinoxes? Another perfectly natural thing that’s been usurped by suits with legislative power. Humbug.

Right around mid-October, I start to turn in on myself, think about cleaning and buttoning up the house, cutting back all the plants, knitting, eating truckloads of carbs, remembering that the Bear is one of my totems, and wondering what this holiday season is going to require in order for me not to take a taxi to The Bridge. For those who feel obligated to spend the holidays with family members who may or may not be your most favorite people, I feel you. I did that for decades, and with enough wine and champagne and later on, the flask of tequila I hid in my purse to build up enough of a force field to deflect the usual shrapnel that flew across the dining table, it turned out to be quite a lot of fun, usually. For those who are masochistic enough not to drink at such gatherings, I can only applaud your fortitude.

In recent years, I have had the distinct pleasure of spending the holidays with the family of my choice, my wonderful friends. There is a house that I call “The Orphanage” where all of us east coast transplants and unmarrieds and friends whose blood families are far away or dead gather and bask in the hospitality of a wondrous woman with seemingly boundless energy and cooking apparatus. Her name is Renata, and we arrive at her house with potluck additions to her already lavish menu, toast with gusto to her and each other, get silly, try on wigs, bounce on the couch to Motown, fall into a gluttonous stupor, and smile at how incredibly lucky we are. I have had, hands down, some of the best holidays of my life in her house. Love and gratitude to Renata.

There is something else that always weighs on me at this time of year, and that is the societal pressure of what happy holidays look like that has been perpetrated by Hallmark and Butterball and FTD florists and all the other companies who make lots of coin at the holidays by suggesting what we all should be doing to be All-American rah-rah families. For some of us, that’s impossible, and it can engender feelings of dread and lack and loneliness if we cave to it.

Think different. There is no right life. There is only the one that we were born into, and then the one we create from our hearts. If they are one in the same, you are lucky. Since the holidays are supposed to be all about love and sharing, it seems the images of happy holidays should be ones of relaxation and celebration with those you truly love. Forced affection is not fun, especially without tequila.

If you tend to dread the holidays for any of the reasons above, change them! Make them more the love-fests they are supposed to be by making a point to be with your favorites as much as you can. If they are far away, set a time for a good long phone call or a Zoom meeting if you’re a Jetson, share a remote glass of wine, remember all the fun you’ve had together, and just BE with them. Try not to focus too much on the difficult relationships, and balance them out by having as much fun with those you truly love instead.

Since Thanksgiving is the next holiday coming up, I would be remiss if I didn’t talk about the number one biggest and most important focus one can have–GRATITUDE. It is the panacea for all crapiness. No matter what is bringing you down, no matter what you feel you are missing, no matter what hardship or challenge you may be facing, shifting your focus to gratitude for all your blessings is the most crucial exercise of all. It is the drumstick. It is the last piece of pie. It is the gift of a lifetime, and it truly fixes everything. It fills your heart and takes away all of your pain. We have this magic wand at our disposal every minute of every day. Sometimes we slip out of that mindset when life gets overwhelming and needs feel more urgent, but the answer to everything that makes us unhappy is to just SHIFT. Look around you at all you have. All the comforts that sit there in your house every day wanting to make you happy that you ignore. We have so much EXCESS that we don’t appreciate at all, and we just whine for more instead of looking around and feeling dumbstruck at how fabulously wealthy we really are. If you have a roof over your head, clothes on your back, water to drink, food to eat, arms and legs to use, eyes to see, a brain to think, a heart to feel and people who love you, get down on your freaking knees right now and say thank you. And forget about getting. Start giving thanks and watch what happens.

Much love and deep gratitude to all my friends, clients and readers. Have the best Thanksgiving ever with exactly what you already have, because it’s a hell of a lot.

© 2019 Laurie MacMillan All rights reserved.